Sept 5, 2022 21:25:37 GMT
Post by The LGSB on Sept 5, 2022 21:25:37 GMT
[attr="class","charactername"]
"I am Melania, blade of Miquella..."
"FUCKING BULLSHIT!!"
Gavin slammed his fists into his keyboard, sending his bag of doritos tumbling to the floor. From the dark room lit only by the blue dual monitors of his PC, an orange kitten with "ODIN" proudly stamped across his collar scampered to lick up the mess. His owner was too busy choking the life out of his empty can of Monster Energy to bother with cleanup.
"I DODGED THAT, YOU ALL SAW ME DODGE THAT!" Gav's hands ripped through his spiky black hair.
A Soul level 1, no upgrades, no summons, all Great Runes run of Elden Ring: ruined; by the most bullshit boss he'd seen since "DANCE WATER DANCE!" of Kingdom Hearts 2. Gavin felt the rage pool in his gut; he felt hot enough to melt the rubber off a tire. His chat on the other hand ate it up. He'd earned $800 this stream and most of them were begging him to fight "Melania: Blade of Miquella" on this run and now he knew why.
He squinted through all the "kek" emojis and memes [he really needed to hire better mods] to find the "souls vets" trying to give advice. "Use bleed-- NO! I don't wanna use fucking bleed, its CHEAP! I can beat her on my second try its just she heals when she hits you, you can't dodge her bullshit waterfowl dance on soul level one cuz I only have stamina from talismans a--"
Gavin blinked. Who the fuck was Earth-chan and how did she DM him directly? He was used to randos from his Stream trying to stir up trouble but this one somehow got in his actual inbox.
(lol u probably got carried)
He smirked.
Another troll. He rolled his eyes. Gavin really, really needed to hire better mods. Why did he even pay them if they couldn't ke--
"AH!" he covered his eyes. Another bright blue screen shot up on front of his face, nearly blinding him. Even though it was the middle of the day his room was dimmed with blackout curtains. He also hadn't had a proper sleep schedule in...ever, but that was beside the point. The "toxic twunk himbo of genji mains" as his favorite fan-turned-mod used to call him now stared dazed and stoned into an interface hovering inches from his nose.
"...I get to respec?"
Gavin scratched his head. He didn't remember Elden Ring having any of these classes and as far as he knew he couldn't change his character (Dig Bick)'s starter after the game had begun. Logically it made no sense. But logically, he was also hyped up on three cans of monster energy, two shots of henny, and enough pride to honor the Vegeta Tank-top he always streamed in. If this bullshit game was going to offer him a free respec then Gavin wasn't about to turn it down.
"Commander sounds like a buffer class and Champion is probably a tank. I need the DEEPS!"
The moment his finger hit that screen, the world as he knew it fell away. It was bright now, far too bright for a gremlin like him to stand without wobbling. The sun's heat beamed down above him like he was an ant under its magnifying glass with this "Earth-chan" troll somehow being in on it.
His room was gone. Ariana Grande no longer whistled through his speakers, instead it was the "CAW! CAW!" of buzzards circling ominously over head. The humidity alone was enough to choke him, but the heat slammed into Gavin with the force of a truck. Instead of a city he saw a long dirt road with some kind of smattering of huts deep in the distant horizon. Instead of asphalt or even concrete there was sand and nothing but it for miles.
And to his back was an old woman wrapped in rags and carrying a backpack four sizes bigger than she was. Somehow she'd tied it together with ropes and had even more junk dangling off of it. Sacs of seasoning, a few rolled up carpets, wine bottles, empty bottles, and an actual treasure chest tied with chains wedged between it all that thrashed every now and then.
Gavin blinked slowly.
"What...the FUCK?"
Apparently that was the magic word. Another interface popped up. Another smiling globe at the top with a very special message.
ESCORT THE MERCHANT SAFELY TO HER DESTINATION. IF SHE DIES OR YOU DIE, ITS GAME OVER. YOU HAVE 12 HOURS
Gavin turned to the old woman next to him. Her face was so wrinkled and delipidated that she looked like a pug made of leather, but she gave him a toothless smile that almost melted his heart. So he answered her with an awkward one of his own.
"Yooo...you got a name?"
She nodded once slowly.
"...Can I know what it is?"
She nodded again slowly.
Gav's smile dropped. "Can you talk?"
She pointed to the silhouette of a village in the far horizon that warbled under the desert heat. Without a single word she took a single shaky step forward.
words. idk
notes. ok so I really don't want to be stuck in the tutorial for like weeks lol but instead of soloing i thought it'd be fun if gav could meet someone and kind of go through this together. so please join if you can post quickly c:
[![](https://i.imgur.com/6tGdwjk.png")
]
]L E G E N D A R Y
"YOU DIED"
"FUCKING BULLSHIT!!"
Gavin slammed his fists into his keyboard, sending his bag of doritos tumbling to the floor. From the dark room lit only by the blue dual monitors of his PC, an orange kitten with "ODIN" proudly stamped across his collar scampered to lick up the mess. His owner was too busy choking the life out of his empty can of Monster Energy to bother with cleanup.
"I DODGED THAT, YOU ALL SAW ME DODGE THAT!" Gav's hands ripped through his spiky black hair.
A Soul level 1, no upgrades, no summons, all Great Runes run of Elden Ring: ruined; by the most bullshit boss he'd seen since "DANCE WATER DANCE!" of Kingdom Hearts 2. Gavin felt the rage pool in his gut; he felt hot enough to melt the rubber off a tire. His chat on the other hand ate it up. He'd earned $800 this stream and most of them were begging him to fight "Melania: Blade of Miquella" on this run and now he knew why.
He squinted through all the "kek" emojis and memes [he really needed to hire better mods] to find the "souls vets" trying to give advice. "Use bleed-- NO! I don't wanna use fucking bleed, its CHEAP! I can beat her on my second try its just she heals when she hits you, you can't dodge her bullshit waterfowl dance on soul level one cuz I only have stamina from talismans a--"
(NEW MESSAGE FROM EARTH CHAN!)
Gavin blinked. Who the fuck was Earth-chan and how did she DM him directly? He was used to randos from his Stream trying to stir up trouble but this one somehow got in his actual inbox.
(lol u probably got carried)
He smirked.
[lol carry deez nutz plat]
!?
"CHOOSE YOUR CLASS"
(Commander)
(Battlestar)
(Champion)
"...I get to respec?"
Gavin scratched his head. He didn't remember Elden Ring having any of these classes and as far as he knew he couldn't change his character (Dig Bick)'s starter after the game had begun. Logically it made no sense. But logically, he was also hyped up on three cans of monster energy, two shots of henny, and enough pride to honor the Vegeta Tank-top he always streamed in. If this bullshit game was going to offer him a free respec then Gavin wasn't about to turn it down.
"Commander sounds like a buffer class and Champion is probably a tank. I need the DEEPS!"
[ BATTLESTAR ]
The moment his finger hit that screen, the world as he knew it fell away. It was bright now, far too bright for a gremlin like him to stand without wobbling. The sun's heat beamed down above him like he was an ant under its magnifying glass with this "Earth-chan" troll somehow being in on it.
His room was gone. Ariana Grande no longer whistled through his speakers, instead it was the "CAW! CAW!" of buzzards circling ominously over head. The humidity alone was enough to choke him, but the heat slammed into Gavin with the force of a truck. Instead of a city he saw a long dirt road with some kind of smattering of huts deep in the distant horizon. Instead of asphalt or even concrete there was sand and nothing but it for miles.
And to his back was an old woman wrapped in rags and carrying a backpack four sizes bigger than she was. Somehow she'd tied it together with ropes and had even more junk dangling off of it. Sacs of seasoning, a few rolled up carpets, wine bottles, empty bottles, and an actual treasure chest tied with chains wedged between it all that thrashed every now and then.
Gavin blinked slowly.
"What...the FUCK?"
Apparently that was the magic word. Another interface popped up. Another smiling globe at the top with a very special message.
"TOXIC GAYMER BOY wants to be a hero?! Every hero loves quests! Especially escort quests! Especially ones where they move faster than your walk speed but slower than your run speed! You're welcome. xoxo -Earth-chan"
ESCORT THE MERCHANT SAFELY TO HER DESTINATION. IF SHE DIES OR YOU DIE, ITS GAME OVER. YOU HAVE 12 HOURS
Gavin turned to the old woman next to him. Her face was so wrinkled and delipidated that she looked like a pug made of leather, but she gave him a toothless smile that almost melted his heart. So he answered her with an awkward one of his own.
"Yooo...you got a name?"
She nodded once slowly.
"...Can I know what it is?"
She nodded again slowly.
Gav's smile dropped. "Can you talk?"
She pointed to the silhouette of a village in the far horizon that warbled under the desert heat. Without a single word she took a single shaky step forward.
"...Oooookay then."
words. idk
notes. ok so I really don't want to be stuck in the tutorial for like weeks lol but instead of soloing i thought it'd be fun if gav could meet someone and kind of go through this together. so please join if you can post quickly c:
[attr="class","wizzcred"]❤ wizz
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