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The engine of the golf-cart rumbled and bucked, the thing almost too strong for the small frame intended for cruising the green, not speeding down asphalt. Still, this cart seemed reinforced and ready as could be for racing. Dahlia looked to her friend one last time, noticing the camera and feeling fear not just for herself but for Ume. There was no way Umeko planned on filming mid-race, right? Dahlia doubted her own intuition there. Looking around further she spotted a group that seemed to be a trio, which felt like it was against the rules of duos-racing but it's not like there was a referee standing around.

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5

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She ran out of time to sight-see. An electronic buzzer noise began to ring out and count down the race while an announcer counted alongside it. Dahlia quickly prepared her goggles and helmet and donned an extra lower-half mask. It was pretty unlikely that she would be immolated in such an open-air vehicle, but safety came first.

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2

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Dahlia was panicking, hands fluttering to her sides and patting herself over. She was as ready as she would be for the race but the prospect of it starting was too much. Other races revved engines, a plane's propeller started whirring, a wyvern screeched. Dahlia fretted.

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1

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Time slowed. Dahlia gripped the wheel and stared straight ahead, foot hovering just over the gas. The blood in her ears overtook the 'Go'- Dahlia saw the other racers start and so she did as well. The go-cart sped along far faster than any contraption should have, and the investigator found herself neck and neck with a sleek racing car in white with a red '9' motif. Something distracted her ahead, an explosion sounding off and a car flipping end over end sailing over Dahlia's cart. A muscle car ahead had a gun placement of some kind retracting back into the car, smoke billowing from it. "I'm going to die!" A plane hovered overhead keeping speed with Dahlia, and though she didn't lean out she heard the callout over the rush of wind somehow.

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"Drop!" A comical whistling noise pierced the air from above and, in a moment of bravery Dahlia leaned out and peered up. An oversized black bomb was hurtling down toward her vehicle. With nothing in mind besides panick Dahlia swerved and whipped one hand out feeling it grow heavy. She looked back over to the white and red racer who was looking back at her with eyes wide, reflecting Dahlia's fear. She looked ahead and a turn was oncoming, but not so soon that it was pressing. Looking to her hand... she held a bomb, the fuse growing ever shorter. With a scream she flung it away and into the red and white racer, demolishing their car, then swung the wheel with both hands into a winding turn.

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The city was quickly becoming suburb, and a flew blocks away trees loomed overhead with gargantuan ancient redwoods beyond the more realistic looking forest. They'd be in the beginning of the Mystwood soon.

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Pedal to the metal as they say, Dahlia was hauling it down the winding streets for another block, putting all of her student driver's training to it's breaking limits and screaming every time her cart went to two wheels and nearly flipped. Cannon fire erupted, Dahlia hit a traffic cone that fell into her passenger seat somehow, and cars were crashing, burning, even being littered with gunfire and javelins. In the rear-view she spotted a car similar to the Red 9 that she'd accidentally blown up, Gold 7 exploding as well. It was hell on wheels in the Ancient Relic Rally.

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To make matters worse, the city was ending and the forest overtaking the track. The paved road continued through the trees but became winding, moving up along a hill-side with a steep drop on one end. The battleground continued despite the change in scenery, with a horse keep pace with Dahlia giving her a menacing look. At least as menacing as a normal horse in a death race could look. They whipped a head back to the side of their saddle and forward, producing a rope in their mouth. Soon enough the horse was rocking it's head side to side, then round in circles- they had a lasso whos end was covered in barbed wire. Lasso Horse was able to whip it toward Dahlia before she could swerve away, somehow getting it around the top of the golf cart.

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"Wha-!?" Lasso began to slow as Gun Horse overtook her along with a number of other racers. Dahlia had been a front-runner until this point, but the middle-line was catching up. That lead she had worked so hard and nearly died for was disappearing. Suddenly a whinny cried out and galloping burst through the din as a white horse- no, they had two massive pointed horns on their head- a bicorn came leaping through the air and swiped through the lasso, severing it. Lasso Horse chuffed and gave Dahlia another evil eye but took off back into the race, leaving her and the bicorn for just a moment. Dahlia met eyes with the magical creature for just a moment.

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"Thank you. I'll never forget this kindness." She pressed her foot to the gas before the bicorn opened it's mouth, not to neigh or whinny or make any usual equine noises.

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"Don't mention it, kid. Shake a leg out there." The bicorn took off back into the woods, leaving Dahlia to get back into the race, flabbergasted. The gauge on her cart had inexplicably already gone well past the empty marker, somehow, so she had to get out and refuel the vehicle apparently. Guess this cart was a guzzler. But with no fuel in sight... "Oh god oh no, someone's gonna hit me..." Dahlia hurriedly placed a hand over the weird gas-cap that didn't actually removed and felt something drain from her. Her stats menu flashed in her peripheral for a moment, showing magic having taken a hit. She sprinted and leapt back into the seat, putting foot to metal once more. The golf-cart shot forward again, just before the mid-line caught up. She had some ground to cover to get back to the front-runners. Just up ahead she could spot the massive tail of something scaled.

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The blip appeared in peripheral again, Dahlia and Ume's chat lighting up. The emoticon had thrown Dahlia a little; it seemed whimsical in a way Dahlia hadn't expected from her companion, but was as nice a way as any to soften the impact of a warning message that heralded certain death. Dahlia braced and swerved, leaving the track in small spurts to use the trees as cover as a burst of cannon fire rained down around her. One behind, one to the side- or was it two? The whistling noise stopped as the explosions went off, the last of the bunch just barely missing the front of Dahlia's cart and sending a geyser of dirt and splintered wood into the front of the cart. She ducked behind the inadequate windscreen for the worst of the splinters but still found herself spitting out dust.

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An excited noise escaped her lips. "! I'm alive! Oh-" She'd slowed a little to let the dust settle and better see where she was going, but now getting back onto the road Dahlia was able to see more of the tail end of that humungous creature. A serpent of some kind, it held something in it's jaws before snapping them closed. It was easily ninety feet long and with the upper end of it held into the air it stood at last two stories tall. A small saddle wound around the back end of the top of their head with a small bird perched on top. It seemed to be chirping rapidly as the snake nodded. "Oh god..." How had Dahlia not even noticed this racer?

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The thing swerved suddenly, cutting away from the main trail and into the woods. A thick fog rolled in as the ground became wet and more uneven. The tree cover became further apart but the forest remained and pools of water overtook some of the ground with thick moss over everything. Further away there flashed a bright light, not quite the color of headlights but like that of fire weaving it's way through the trees. In the distance another direction away a voice cried out. "I'm only 87! I'm too young to drown!" A gurgle followed and the voice was gone.

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"Oh no..." She drove for many minutes slowly through the fog, occasionally hearing the sound of other racers various vehicles, but would hear the same few multiple times. At one point she even heard an intense hissing. After wandering for what felt like far too long to be driving aimlessly in a race the light shone once more. It got close, dancing this way and that, more and more like a flame suspended in air, but shimmering in a curious way. It was mesmerizing. It reminded Dahlia of something familiar, something comforting. She could hear a voice emanating faintly- it sounded like her sister... Dahlia snapped to attention, her body suddenly screaming with fear once more.

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"Ah! A wisp!" She slammed the golf cart into reverse and backed away from the bog in front of her where the bumper of a car stuck out of the mud, bubbles burping around it. She sped and drove, ignoring the fireball that had manifested faces and screamed, the sound of wailing souls brought to an end. Dahlia screamed too as she weaved through trunks and around bushes, avoiding muddy waters. She was somehow able to break free from the Will-O's realm and the fog parted; Dahlia was on the small winding racetrack once again. She cruised at a comfortable speed long enough to send her own message to Umeko.

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"Will-O'-the-Wisp ahead, mesmerizing light thingy that will try to trick you into dying- probably drowning. Be careful, don't follow it!" She wanted to give a more comprehensive rundown on some of the strategies and folklore but it was kind of hard to write a thesis while in the middle of a death race, and it was unclear as to whether Earth-chan's version of the being would be anything like Old Earth's various sorts. Dahlia would trust Umeko's intuition and ability.

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The drive was constantly in flux, with the track ever-changing and the sheer number of deadly racers vying for the win. At this point however a number of vehicles were slowing, in need of precious refueling. Dahlia's own cart was running low again. As the trees slowly grew wider and taller around her, so did the path open up slightly, still with winding turns, though they were now much longer, more scenic in nature. Dahlia found herself among a massive expanse of ancient red trees reaching as high as any skyscrapers, foliage blotting out most of the sun. Ahead was a clearing. Dahlia heard the beep of her messages and found herself confused. "Riddles?"

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Dahlia slowed slightly as she spotted the massive snake from before coiled in on itself, parked in a way. Multiple other racers were there, most in various states of park or refueling their own vehicles. An eighteen wheeler was off to one side with it's trucker-hat driver pacing back and forth. No need for refueling but they were stopped anyways. "Um..." Then she saw it. Paws as large as Dahlia's cart with claws longer than Dahlia's legs, wings spanning dozens of feet when unfurled. The road had narrowed and continued through the trunk of a gargantuan tree, and the massive cat sprawled out in front of the entrance. Her face was that of a human's, impossibly beautiful, regal, her body made for hunting. She stared into space, not looking at any of the racers in particular, her features placid. When a racer finally moved forward- the trucker- she fixed her gaze on them, golden cats eyes suddenly alight.

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"Give me a drink, and I will die. Feed me and I will grow. What am I?" Her voice rang out, spoken nothing like song but sounding like music. The trucker fidgeted and pulled their hat from their head, carefully considering. Their hair was slick with sweat. Dahlia found herself surprised; she was pretty sure she'd heard this one before. Regardless, it wasn't her riddle to solve. Trucker paced a little, wringing their hat in hand. Finally they faced the sphinx, their answer following. "Someone allergic to water!"

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The sphinx shook her head and, without standing, her eyes flashed bright, and the trucker and their rig disappeared. Somewhere in the woods behind a massive crashing noise rumbled through the trees. The sphinx went back to staring off into space. The race was frozen here, nobody seemed to be jumping at the chance to tackle a riddle. Dahlia finished charging her golf cart with magical energy, and despite feeling drained inched forward. She was sweating and scared, on the verge of tears- this massive being of myth could and would surely kill her given the chance, but Dahlia had to win this race. She'd faced worse than riddles so far. Glancing around, she didn't spot Umeko yet. No encouragement there. But something caught her eye. Deep into the wood stood a gleaming white bicorn, it's knowing eyes meeting Dahlia's. It simply nodded and strode away, out of view.

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"I can- I can do this!" She sent a message to Ume that contained only a thumbs up, then moved forward. The sphinx's head shifted and suddenly wide eyes stared at Dahlia.

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"What goes on four legs in the morning, walks on two in the afternoon, and three in the evening?" Dahlia froze. Was this a trick question? Well, most riddles were basically just trick questions, but this one in particular was an obvious one, right? Probably the most well-known, most common riddle there was. Dahlia wasn't even a riddle-head but was certain she knew this one. But the thought of retribution, of getting it wrong... the woman wasn't sure that it wasn't a trap. Dahlia mulled and considered, sure of her answer but unsure how to proceed. Like the trucker before she found herself with nervous energy, biting her lip and wringing her hands. "Hrm..." Dahlia really, really didn't want to die, but she had to try. She had to answer.

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"Human?" The sphinx's eyes narrowed slightly into a glare. "That is technically correct. But just remember, I could kill you, you know? Like, eat you in one bite, easy. Be more specific next time." The sphinx stood and moved to the side slightly, opening the path for Dahlia, who was still frozen in terror. It took her a moment and another (softer) look from the sphinx to hurriedly sprint to her golf cart and get back into the race proper. But before Dahlia passed the sphinx she slowed and looked up at the great being. "What's your name, oh great sphinx?"

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"Oh, nobody ever- it's Jocasta" The sphinx smiled, and Dahlia offered a hand to shake. The massive sphinx offered a claw. "I'm Dahlia, thank you for not killing me." They shook, and Dahlia took off, continuing her race and making as best time as she could through the winding wood to catch up to any of the other leads.

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Dahlia continued deep into the Mystwoods and it was a full minute before she heard the sound of another racer. The gallop of hooves faintly filled the air, two sets. Lasso and Rifle horse had both made it past the sphinx, somehow. Then the sound of something behind her- a wailing, not like the wisp but singular, a faraway scream. Dahlia peered into her review and spotted something blurry, indistinct despite the fact that it was closing the distance quite quickly. A vehicle of some kind though it seemed... translucent? Incorporeal?

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"A g-ghost?!" Unable to quit even in death, the ghastly racer drew ever close. The vehicle pulled up next to Dahlia to reveal a horrible twisted face behind the helmet of the car closer to an F1 racing vehicle than anything, but like it was drawn in an 60's Sunday cartoon. The thing was blurry and faded, the edges of it shifting and frayed, even up close. The ghostly face of Racer 6 with their mouth in a permanent yawn chuckled somehow and produced a similarly ghostly bomb. The bomb Dahlia had accidentally thrown their way. Ahead of her came a whinny, and rounding a sharp turn the horse duo came into view. Dahlia sped up. She wasn't sure if she could catch a ghost explosive, but would see if perhaps these two (three) adversaries would duke it out, or at least take some of the heat. But the moment Dahlia moved to overtake the horses, gunfire pelted her golf cart.

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It was all she could do to duck and avoid the worst of it, but the engine on the back of the cart had taken hits and sputtered. A horrible grinding noise filled the air. "Oh please no..." Sensing the slowing, the ghost used this chance; they hurled the bomb at Dahlia, and from this vantage behind she was unable to catch it. It didn't hit her cart but it exploded above and behind it, the airburst sending a shockwave rippling through her. Even from that distance it knocked the wind from her. The cart slowed to a stop, and Ghost Racer 6 began to hound the Horses 2. Dahlia seemed to be out of the race.

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"No, no no... I came this far! I-" She choked back sobs as tears finally flowed freely, having been (mostly) held in the entire race. Her anxiety hit it's peak. She could have won this! Umeko would be so disappointed that Dahlia had managed to squander her lead. Why hadn't she thrown something back? Tried to fight off the ghost, use her cart like a ram, anything! The engines ahead faded away as they turned and weaved further into the Mystwood, ever nearer to it's heart and the relic. Dahlia knelt on the floor and held her face in her hands.

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"Chin up, kiddo. You can still win this." The voice broke the silence, gruff and assuring, confident. Dahlia startled and stood while eyeing the wood around her with worry. A fight with a magical creature right now was the last thing she needed- but she saw the bicorn again, instead. They were smiling, somehow.

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"Wha- how? I don't even deserve to win, I'm a terrible racer..." She looked to her destroyed golf cart.

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The bicorn half-spit a soggy cigar from their mouth to hold it with their lips. "Bah, who cares about any of that? I've seen a lot of folks pass through these woods, but you, you've got the heart of a racer. I can smell it on ya. You just had some bad luck is all." They lifted a hoof and a magical fire sparked, somehow lighting the dripping cigar. It smelled of molasses and peppermint. "Plus," they continued, taking a puff on the cigar, "I friggin' hate that bastard Gregthony."

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"...Who?"

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"The prick with the lasso. Stole my boyfriend." Dahlia still felt uneasy, uncertain. She wasn't sure if she could trust a random bicorn from a magical forest, but the way they held themselves, the conviction in their voice, the cold anger- she would take one more leap of faith today. She hurried to the bicorn and found them too tall, so they knelt. No saddle, no reigns, Dahlia gently held on mane as bicorn took off. "Name's Killin by the way. Nice to meetcha." "I'm Dahlia, nice to meet you too! Let's get that Gregthony!"

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"Neigh, let's smoke those assholes!" Killin was fast, far faster than the golf cart. Faster than Ghost Racer 6 and the Horses 2, maybe, but there was still a large gap to make up and there were magical traps abound. Killin bound over a massive pit full of snakes, expertly dodged the crawling vines, charged through an illusory wall. Dahlia for her part held on and prepared. They rounded a sharp turn through the redwoods and were in range of the other racers once again. Gunshots range out as the others battled, just as Lasso Horse- Gregthony- finished performing a holy ritual and banished Ghost Racer 6 back to Hell or wherever angry ghosts went in Earth-chan's world. Rifle Horse- unnamed- noticed Dahlia and her new racing partner and threw something to Gregthony before both let loose a barrage of gunfire toward Killin. They were fast enough to juke and bait out the worst of the gunfire, Dahlia hanging on for dear life leaning left and right as bullets whizzed by her.

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"We're pinned down Dahlia! I dunno what to do!" Dahlia didn't know what to do either, but she would do what she could. She would throw something. The finish line came into view, and the final straightaway began. Cocking one arm back Dahlia took aim, leaning with Killin and ducking to keep as much speed as possible. Finally her opening showed itself and she whipped her arm forward, sending the steering wheel of her golf cart that she didn't even remember grabbing hurtling it's way toward Rifle Horse and sending them tumbling to the ground end over end in a pile of gun and saddle. Gregthony dropped his firearm and put everything he had into speed. Killin surged forward with new reserves.

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They were neck and neck, mane and mane, but Gregthony had trained for this race. He was a practiced horse, and Killin fast as they was bore the extra weight of a rider. Gregthony shrugged off his saddle and only further widened the gap. The finish line closed in. Two thousand feet. Eighteen hundred. Fifteen hundred. Killin was falling behind. All hope seemed lost. "No!-" The sound of an explosion, far back. Dahlia realized she hadn't heard the sound of another engine for some time now, only hoof. She hadn't heard from Umeko either. The woman had become so immersed in the race, so invested in victory. Dirt splattered and bark shattered just in front, closer to Gregthony, allowing Killin to get just a little bit closer to that lead.

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Eight hundred feet. Seven hundred. Another explosion rang out followed by the whistling, this time missing it's mark and going into the woods entirely. Five hundred feet. Two hundred-

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Dahlia's ears were ringing so badly, between the bloodrush of adrenaline and the bombing-induced tinnitus, she didn't even hear the third cannon shot or it's telltale whistle. One hundred feet. Fifty. Gregthony was still half a horses' length ahead; Killin didn't have the burst of speed ready to steal the win. Twenty feet. The shot landed just behind Killin, not close enough to kill or maim but close enough to propel. Dahlia and Killin were launched forward and past Gregthony just over the conspicuous yellow tape and checkered finish line. A photo finish.

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"You did it! We won! Oh my- oh my god!" Dahlia dismounted and wound around Killin, giving them a big hug around the neck, crying tears of joy along with the understandable terror of having almost been blown up. "Nah kid, we did it." They winked and held one leg and hoof up, kind of like a thumbs up, if Dahlia had to guess. The two walked over to the oddly giant-cup-with-handles shaped trophy, presumably the "Ancient Relic". The sound of a struggling motorcycle heralded a friend, and Dahlia ran back to greet her racing partner, and to offer the cup so they could both hold it up by one handle each.

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